Building Self-Kindness and Compassion During COVID-19
“SHOULDS” AND EXPECTATIONS IN THE TIME OF COVID-19
SOCIAL MEDIA AND THE “SHOULDS”
I have always had a love hate relationship with social media. There is so much good that can be found, utilized, and enjoyed. And at the same time there is also quite a bit of negativity, unhelpful thinking, and unhealthy messages that are spread.
Overwhelming yourself with what you think you “should” be doing is probably causing your anxiety to increase. Instead try to focus on ways you can be kind to yourself.
According to social media, your time in COVID-19 quarantine should be spent doing one or all of the following:
Learning a new skill
Increasing your knowledge
Learn a new language
Clean out that closet you have been wanting to tackle and organize it
Getting a side job started.
Catch up on all those “honey do” list projects around the house
No problem right?!?!
Negative thinking only continues to add to feelings of anxiety and depression. “Should” statements often lead to feelings of disappointment, guilt, and shame.
THE “SHOULD” STATEMENTS AND UNHEALTHY THINKING
“Should” statements are a type of negative thinking pattern. These kinds of statements only continue to increase worry and fear. Often “should” statements will bring up feelings of guilt and shame. They place unnecessary and unreasonable demands on self and others. Not only do these statements continue to feed into your anxiety and worries but it can also reinforce the unhealthy thinking linked to perfectionism. Chances are likely that you are setting yourself up for disappointment or “failure.” Society tends to paint the picture that we must be busy, have to fill our time, and values constant productivity.
Often I see my anxiety clients taking on too much to use as a distraction from experiencing and acknowledging their feelings and thoughts (AVOIDANCE). Or becoming paralyzed and stuck from taking any action because they don’t know what to do, where to start, or how to get it all done (PERFECTION).
If your thoughts are negative, in turn creating negative feelings, then your behaviors often follow suit with being negative. Thus the unhealthy patterns continue. Looking at this pattern is a form of therapy called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or CBT.
Check out more of these blog posts about anxiety and perfectionism.
What to Expect When You Start Anxiety Therapy
SHIFTING AWAY FROM THE “SHOULD” STATEMENTS
During this time of quarantine there are many adjustments and new challenges occurring. Parents are working from home and also trying to help teach their children. Resources may not be available due to financial strains. Energy levels are being depleted.
In order to begin shifting away from these “should” statements it is also important to be able to realize when they are occurring so that you can begin to do a different behavior. Recently, I have been encouraging my clients to work on building their self-kindness and compassion skills. Allowing for grace during such a stressful time can be so helpful. I recognize it may not always be so easy and adding another thing may sound overwhelming.
However, there are many ways to help build these skills up and I encourage you to find something that feels good and doable for you.
WAYS TO BUILD SELF-KINDNESS AND COMPASSION
Practicing a loving-kindness meditation or identifying something you are grateful for is a beautiful way to build self-compassion.
Creating a mindset shift like the examples listed below
Giving yourself permission to take 5 minutes “off” from being “on” all the time.
Create a list of items you’re grateful for and add one item to the list each day and watch your list grow.
Taking an intentional big inhale of warmth and exhale of stress.
Scroll past the unhelpful and unhealthy social media messages.
Speak to yourself as though you were speaking and being supportive of your best friend.
Set boundaries to where you are spending your energy. Making sure to give in to the things that are giving back to you. Reassess as needed.
HOW ARE YOU PLANNING TO BUILD UP YOUR SELF-KINDNESS AND COMPASSION?
Be well and if you’re interested in exploring your anxiety, negative thoughts, and ways to build self-compassion further please feel free to reach out and schedule a free 15 minute consultation.
Check out more about me and what therapy is like at Calm Waters Counseling. I offer online therapy to anyone in Maryland and North Carolina.
If you are interested in trying online therapy but don’t know much about this resource, check out these helpful blog posts:
Is Online Therapy Right For Me?
Written by: Laura Rippeon, LCSW, LCSW-C
Updated 3/12/23